How to Save a Life
by ParisWriter
Summary: Varia Surana knew that no matter what she decided, Jowan's fate would ultimately be death. So she chose to do the only thing she knew could possibly save her best friend.


Author's Notes: Written for the July 2012 challenge over on the Dragon Age Challenges group on deviantART.

In keeping with the theme - which was to add in a choice we wish we had at any point in one of the games - I decided it was the perfect opportunity to put an option back into the game which was taken out early on in development: the ability to conscript Jowan into the Grey Wardens and have him be a full companion. I always thought it sucked that if you didn't convince Jowan to run away after finding him in the dungeon of Redcliffe Castle, you only had two choices for his fate which would pretty much both lead ultimately to his death. So when I learned that there was originally an option to conscript him, I was like, "WTF? I want to do_ that_!"

Thus... I decided to write this short little piece about my beloved elven mage Warden doing just that.

Just a note, for anyone following The Ferelden Chronicles: I consider this _totally_ not 'canon' for that universe, though certain aspects of this story will also be present in that one.

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**How to Save a Life**

"_Why_ did you come back? I told you to run!"

"I couldn't just leave things like this. I'm partly to blame for what's been going on here, after all."

Varia Surana fought to keep tears from rising in her grey eyes as she looked at her best friend. Jowan had always been there for her and she had been there for him, too... Up until the day he had betrayed her trust and revealed himself as a blood mage. He hadn't killed anyone, thankfully, but he had escaped the Circle tower and – thanks to her help – the templars hadn't had a way to track him because his phylactery had been destroyed.

She figured he would be long gone after that. She hoped he had jumped aboard one of the ships leaving Ferelden with the other refugees who were desperately trying to escape the Blight. But, no. He _hadn't_ run. He'd stayed and gotten himself caught just outside of Denerim – which led to him making a deal with Teryn Loghain, who promised him that things would be settled with the Circle if only he would do the teryn one small favor. The favor, of course, being to poison Arl Eamon Guerrin of Redcliffe – the only man who could really stand up against the tyrant who had once been lauded as a war hero by his people.

There had never been an actual deal, however, and Jowan had realized the error of his ways too late once again. He had successfully infiltrated Redcliffe Castle, posing as a tutor for the arl's son, Connor, who had begun showing signs of being a mage. He had even managed to poison the arl without bringing any suspicion upon himself. But after Connor tried to cure his father by consorting with a demon, Jowan had been the one who was forced to shoulder the blame when the undead began to attack the inhabitants of the castle and the nearby town.

Varia had listened to his story when she and her companions first found Jowan in the castle dungeon. Alistair hadn't believed him, at first, and had thrown a fit when Varia decided to let her friend out of his cell. She ignored the templar and told Jowan to run, even as he insisted that he should stay and help them in whatever way he could. When he finally took off, she believed he had taken her advice to heart and would _finally_ be on his way to board one of those ships.

She had been wrong, again.

Jowan showed up shortly after she and her companions defeated the possessed guards Connor had set upon them, and he offered to perform a blood magic ritual in order to send her into the Fade to confront the demon which was possessing the boy. She had immediately turned down the idea, instead choosing to go back to her former home and beseech the help of the First Enchanter. After all, he owed her after she saved his life and the life of every other mage who still drew breath within the tower walls following Uldred's attempted uprising.

The ritual had been a success – thanks to the help of Irving and a few other mages – but now the arl's brother, Bann Earmon Guerrin of Rainesfere, had asked for her opinion on what should be done with her friend. She knew that no matter what she chose, it would be a death sentence. Waiting for the arl to make a decision would likely result in his execution for the assassination attempt. Giving him back to the Circle would also likely result in his death, as well, because of his use of blood magic.

She couldn't bear the thought of sending Jowan to his death. Yes, blood magic was forbidden. Yes, he had gone against Chantry law and was a wanted criminal. He had tried to kill the Arl of Redcliffe, but it was an act of desperation, done only because of a fake promise made by a traitor who was attempting to usurp the throne. All of these were reasons she _should_ be calling for his execution... but she just couldn't do it. He had been the first person to befriend her at the tower as a child. He was the only one – aside from Cullen, Irving, and Greagoir – who knew just how close she came to being robbed of her innocence at the hands of templars, and he had seen her through the nightmares and sleepless nights until she finally felt safe again. And he had been jealous of her.

Varia had found his journal amongst the scattered belongings of the male apprentices in their quarters when she and the others had helped rid the tower of demons and blood mages in order to avoid the Right of Annulment from taking place. She read it while they took a short break in Irving's office before ascending to the topmost floors of the tower, and had discovered the reason why Jowan had turned to blood magic wasn't because he was seeking to become all-powerful – he simply wanted to be powerful enough to measure up to her so he could finally take his Harrowing. She felt guilty after reading that, even though it really wasn't her fault.

"Well?" the bann asked her, impatiently crossing his arms over his chest. "What would you have me do with him, then?"

"I hereby conscript this mage into the Grey Wardens," Varia stated, meeting the man's eyes.

"What?" Bann Teagan said, his arms dropping to his sides as his blue eyes widened in surprise.

"_What_?" Alistair echoed beside her.

"Jowan will come with us, and go through the Joining ritual," Varia explained, ignoring her lover's outburst.

"You _can't_ be serious?" Alistair asked her, lowering his voice so only she could hear him. "We don't even know _how_ to perform the Joining."

"I know that," Varia whispered back. "But right now, this is the only thing I can do to save Jowan's life."

"And why would you _want_ to save his life? Didn't you say he betrayed you back at the tower, before?"

"He had his reasons," she told him, casting a brief glance at Jowan, who was nervously wringing his hands while he watched them quietly talking amongst themselves. "Please... trust me, Alistair."

"It isn't _you_ I'm worried about," he replied. "He's a_ blood mage_, Varia."

"I'd bet my life that he hasn't performed a single act of blood magic since he left the Circle," she assured him. "Nor will he do so from now on."

"How can you be so sure?" Alistair asked her. "You heard him, earlier. He was willing to _sacrifice_ the arlessa in order to send you into the Fade."

"He didn't think he had any other choice. It was the only way he knew to save Connor. As for before... You weren't there," she said, shaking her head sadly. "You didn't see Lily's reaction to him using blood magic, didn't see the look on his face when she cast him aside after discovering what he had done. He paid a _far_ steeper price than he bargained for in his dealing with demons, and I daresay he's not looking to repeat it."

"You expect me to believe that he turned to blood magic in an attempt to impress a girl?"

"No," Varia corrected him. "He turned to blood magic because of _me_."

Alistair's expression turned from one of angry disbelief to one of shocked confusion, and Varia gave a heavy sigh before continuing.

"I was always more talented than he was at spell-casting," she told him. "I admit, I... wasn't always very modest about it, either. I just used to get _so excited_ every time I mastered a new spell, and I would always run to Jowan and tell him about it. Though he was older than me and had been studying magic longer than me, he simply didn't have the same level of natural talent that I had. I made him feel inadequate. And _that_ was why he turned to blood magic."

"You shouldn't blame yourself because _he_ decided to consort with demons," Alistair told her, laying his hand gently on her shoulder.

"I know," Varia said, reaching up to caress his cheek. "But no matter what's happened, he's still my friend and I still want to protect him if I can. I'll take full responsibility if I turn out to be wrong about him, I promise."

"Very well," Alistair finally agreed, nodding his head slightly and turning back to the bann.

"I hereby witness this act of conscription," he announced. "Jowan, you're coming with us. Don't make me regret this decision."

"I... I won't. I promise," Jowan swore, smiling gratefully at Varia.

"Very well, then," the bann conceded. "Take him and go."

"Thank you, your lordship," Varia told him, bowing respectfully before gesturing for the members of her party to head out of the castle. Jowan followed the others as they made their way to the front entryway, but Varia decided to hang back a bit and grasped Alistair's arm when he moved to bring up the rear of the group ahead of her.

"Thank you, for trusting my judgment," she told him when he turned his head to look at her questioningly.

He smiled at her, his hazel eyes full of affection, and leaned down to place a small kiss upon her lips.

"You're lucky I love you so much," he told her, twirling a loose strand of her golden hair around one armored finger. "You _do_ realize that you are going to owe me for this, though. First Morrigan, then the assassin, and now a blood mage... You're going to owe me, _big time_."

"Oh, don't you worry," she assured him, standing on her toes and pressing her lips just barely against his. "I'm sure I can find a way to make this up to you."

She pulled away from him, smiling seductively, and he laughed nervously as a blush crept up his cheeks and spread across his entire face. Varia quickly turned away from him before he could notice her own blush forming - hoping it didn't reach her long elven ears and give her away - then rushed to catch up with the rest of their companions.

"Maker, what have I gotten myself into?" Alistair asked under his breath as he followed her, unable to suppress his grin.


End file.
